Let it Go, Part 2: Where's the worth?

I've had esteem and self worth issues my whole life.

I really don't know how to find love within myself. Is it just to accept what I am?

It's hard. I find it way too easy to find things that I don't like about myself than things I DO like.

To me, things that one would like about themselves are things that one should do in life anyway: be loving, respectful, a good friend/family member/employee, etc, etc. It's too easy for me to see the bad in the so-called good qualities I have. It doesn't help that until recently, I've been around people who've only reminded of the bad things instead of the good things about me.

Being feisty, spirited, that sort of thing....not alot of people can deal with it, and such I feel like I have to douse or mute myself in order to make them feel comfortable, while they can be themselves and everyone likes them. So....what's so bad about me that I can't be myself?

That's what it comes down to. It's a great thing when I'm around people with whom I can be myself. I mean, MYSELF: strengths, weaknesses, everything. But when you show other sides, and people don't like them, their words can hurt so much, and though I work hard to become more thick-skinned, I'm not really. My feelings and ego can get hurt quite easily, my emotions can get riled up pretty fast. That's one thing I REALLY DISLIKE about myself. I HATE that it's so easy for others to hurt me.

*sigh* *trying NOT to babble*

Back to self-worth.

I know I'm very critical of myself, from what I wear to what I eat, where my life is going, to how I relate or don't relate to other people....to the mistakes I've made and not forgiving myself for them. I guess that while it's good to work on myself, I do have to realize that there are some things that will either take longer to change, or they just won't change. And to realize that's OKAY. Maybe I should just work to love myself as I AM first before I make any changes. Also, I have to remember that those who only focused on what THEY felt was wrong with me aren't in my life right now, so I need to start reconciling with myself. I feel like there's so much that has to be unlocked inside of me, but I HAVE to LOVE MYSELF fully FIRST to unlock them.

My good friend told me that she wanted me to find things about myself that I liked. I really should do that. Each day I'm going to find something within me that I like and explain why.