For the past few days, I've noticed how my energy is, whether I'm on the way to work or at work. It's a very nervous or anxious type of energy, always ready to go-go-go I guess, but lately, it's really starting to bother me. I'm used to being able to handle certain amounts of stress, whether it's from work, rushing, or even working out. Yet, now, when I'm sitting at my desk and I'm not even THINKING about something that would MAKE me nervous, my body gets nervous.
For no reason.
It's at the point where I have to stop what I'm doing and ask myself softly: WHY AM I NERVOUS? After which, I get a sense of calm, and I'm able to get back to work.
I'm still having problems dealing with stress. When that happens, I feel the effects physically. When I feel the effects, I have doubts about my health and I question my ability to handle this and get all the way back to business, which only begets more negative thinking, taking me back to that horrible place when I was sick in August.
When I doubt what I can do with my body, I don't work out to my full capacity and/or it takes the drive out of me. I've dug too deep to create the resolve of getting healthier again to let this stop me, but some days, the weight of it all is hard. Some days, I'm able to keep focused on the positive and in my workout, while other days, when I become aware of the stress.....just puts a slight damper on my mood.
I know that once I have that concrete sense of self again, these feelings will pass. I just have to feel the things I feel and still press on, through the fear, through all of it. I have to rebuild that belief I had that I could handle anything that comes. I AM rebuilding it. Just running into roadblocks along the way...
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